P@rt two...

After the movie, he hold my hand.. weird thing is sweating between our hands.. he's de one sweating?? or Me?? .... Then we go for a dinner.. After round n round, he bring me to "pizza kitchen".. first in my life entering tis kind of restaurant.. looks veri high-standard.. make ppl cant eat naturally there.. Yet, how lucky we are.. there are fireworks while we are enjoying our dinner.. tis young gal at tat time sure feel veri happy n sweet (in heart) .. ^^

Good luck will nvr remains long.. I still remembered when his first meet up wif my family.. nvr expected tis response.. my parents does not encouraged me to be in a relationship.. n I straightaway told him.. Wat happen after tat?? Tis guy teached me to play "underground love".. Again, film scene happens on me!! Feel excited.. But, at tat time I was impress by one of his sentence.. he said " wont you feel tat it's wasted if we juz giving up like tis?? " I felt sry to him.. end up, I agreed wif him.. We go dating without my parents noticed..

One day, I received a call from my veri best fren.. Suddenly, she asked me to invite tis guy to join us for a trip.. She's organising a 'Couple day trip'.. Huh.. How she knows tat I got a bf?? I did not tell her before.. @@ Anyway, I invited him.. Later on, four of us have become veri close n owex hang out together.. In tat period, we stepped in cinema everynite.. My dad still jokes wif me.. he said tat he wanna ask Andy Lau to act more film d.. He afraid no more movie for his daughter to watch oledi..

Naive.. one word could describe me.. I tot dating wif bf is only going out walk walk wif him, eat eat wif him, n watch movie wif him.. tat's all.. He muz feel tat I'm weird.. haha.. I never think of others oledi.. I never think of the most important part.. # kissing #

In one nite, we walked to KLCC's garden after our movie.. We stopped on a small bridge.. Juz as other couple, we dating there.. chat chat n chat chat.. suddenly feel weird.. both of us getting closer n closer.. I being hugged.. hmm.. not bad.. I like the feel.. hehe.. But, after a while, he requested me to kiss him.. OMG.. wat should I do?? old style.. try hard to escape from it.. Tis really frighten me at tat time.. I run bk to my hse in hurry when he sent me home.. phew.. I tot will be safe.. Who's know?? He sms me.. I can feel tat he's disappointed wif me.. He sound so sad.. Anyone believe tat a couple never kiss before after 2 or 3 months?? Hmm.. He told me tat he's waiting for me at downstair.. I went down.. my heart beating was terrible fast.. n I tried few times to kiss him.. finally there's a touch between his lips n my lips.. Tis is more than enough for me at tat moment.. I told him tat I oledi kissed him n I need to bk home oledi.. Once again, I run bk to my hse.. Undescribed feeling.. ~ to be continued ~

p@rt one...

Recently my mood keep on hanging.. I forget the way to balancing myself oledi.. Wish tat i could be alone.. could facing waving sea and scream loudly.. never hope anyone will hear it.. But.. No matter how bad my mood is.. I still need to hang my smiling on my face.. I cant let anyone to know about it.. especially my family.. i would never let them know my feeling.. I had to entertained them.. bringing all de jokes n fun to them.. n tis is my duty..

Tis post will be the part one of my story.. I owex share tis story wif all my frens.. most of my frens oso feel tat it's sweet when they heard it.. because most of them are Gals as well... Gals owex dreaming to hv a fantasy love story.. However, for me.. All tis memories can only be memories.. It's hardly for me to forget it because I guess tis is de worst mistake tat i had make in my life.. Hmm.. Mistake oledi happened.. Nthg could be recovery.. De most important is to learn from mistake.. Actually, I'm a veri dull person.. especially in talking.. I owex couldnt find the right way to express myself.. Yet, I decided to wrote out everything here n I will never share tis story to anyone again..

I still remember the scene of our first date.. He wore a long-sleeve sweater in white wif long jeans.. I get shock when i get down from my house.. I saw a guy standing outside a cab n wearing long-sleeve waiting someone in a sunny day.. at tat moment, I did laughing in my heart.. but, in my mind I feel tat it's sweet because tis can showed tat he's really serious in dating me out.. I never ever think tis scene will happen in real-lifetime.. N it's really happened on me.. I tot it only happen in film..

He's really a kind man.. he loves giving surprise to me n quite romantic.. He gave me a gift in our second date.. I should be veri happy at tat time.. Yet, I dunno y i owex trying hard to hide my feeling in front of him.. i owex act steady n cool in front of him.. when i received de gift.. i only said "thank you".. tat's all.. n how terrible am I?? I left it on de seat after our meal at Mdm Kuan.. He's de one realised it.. @@

At the beginning, I doesnt have much feel on tis guy.. never ever think tat v will be couple in one day.. tat's y people said that no prediction in love.. Me, myself dunno when i started to like him.. dunno when started to love him so much.. dunno when started to realise tat i really need him to be wif me..

He requested me to be his gf in a cinema.. my mind tat time was totally blank.. but, i agreed.. However, later on when he tried to date me again.. i felt nervous.. i'm trying to avoid.. I havent get prepared to be a person's gf.. wat's a gf must do?? how a gf should act?? totally hv no idea on it.. a 19 years old year enjoying her first love.. ~ to be continued ~

10 ~ 02 ~ 10

tired tired tired.. everyone keep on asking me y wanna make myself so tiring?? but i got no answer for them.. i purposely wanna do tat.. purposely wanna to be like tis.. after working so much, tiredness make me sleep better.. no time for me to think nonsense.. even spirituality to think oso no more d.. once get bk home.. straight away sleep..

sometimes i did ask myself.. how long can i stand to be like tis?? how long can i protect myself from tis inner wound?? n i did think before.. "how good if i did not ever noe him before.." mayb my life now is totally different.. perhaps, working oversea can help me.. different environment, different people, different culture.. mayb could save or change my mind !!

2010 ~ 02 ~ 01

amy foo.. amy foo.. amy foo.. haiz.. god must be fooling me.. y must make me to pass by there everyday?? every time passed by tat place.. i tried not to c it.. it make me recall bk de pic.. i dun wanna c.. dun wanna think.. dun wanna feel how sweet they are at tat moment.. they must be veri happy together.. why why why n why.. y am i having tis kind of feeling?? y am i in tis such dilemma??

i like love song veri much.. especially sad song.. many of de songs really touched me.. sometime de song really sing out everything in my heart.. but y?? y i must be sad all de time?? y i can only c n share other's happiness?? y i must hide my own feeling?? y i must be de loser?? n y i must think of u when i was touched by song??

i was trying so hard to forget everything.. so so hard.. de period tat v noe each other is actually not long.. i tot it can easily deleted from my memory.. but y it stick so strong on me?? every little thing tat v do.. every places tat v go.. n every word tat came out from ur mouth is still in my mind now.....

first blog in 2010...

a mood to continue blogging.. @@ haiz.. CNY coming soon.. first year celebrating without daddy.. how will it be?? wat should i do to calm my mum?? n how should i balance myself?? i really miss him so much.. i noticed i had changed a lots after he gone.. i become more tough.. i told myself not to cry easily.. anything happened, i had to face it.. there's no tree gonna protect me anymore..

i hate my birthday.. it remind me again.. de way he sang birthday song to me through phone.. de way he make me happy.. so sweet..

hehe.. i really less cry d.. ppl said tat crying can express feeling out.. sometime really wanna cry but hv no tear in my eyes.. how could tis happen?? n dunno tis is good or bad... hmm.. nvm ba.. amy foo.. be strong.. there's a lots of thing waiting u to do...

Grand-nanny...

18th Oct 2008.. it's my grand-nanny 90's birthday.. everyone gathered to celebrate wif her.. was thinking tat how great it is.. 90 years surviving in tis world.. muz not tat easy.. how much happiness had gained?? how much experiences had being surfer?? congratulation!! wish u happy birthday n stay happy everyday... ^^

2008-10-13..

A further step into man's world.. how to consider a man is good?? no smoke?? no drink?? perhaps it is.. last few weeks i get to c how man usually 'REDUCE' their stress.. my fren and i went to a pub which is mostly visited by man.. although not de 1st time visit to such place.. i will nvr 4get watever i experienced there.. sometime i feel pity to woman especially those in 'special case'.. i can understand tat a woman tat choose to be a PR mayb they really need money for their living or having other reason in personal.. n v can understand tat a PR hv to entertain customers.. no doubts being hugged or kissed by stranger (customer), smile will still need to be hanged on their face.. but i juz cant stand tat guy is taking advantages on woman juz becoz they have money.. on tat day, i saw a gal molested by a man wif average 35 years old.. i can c in her face tat she is mind and quite mad about it.. but she cant do anything beside staying far from de customer.. how pity a woman it is??

Apart from tat, i become unclear about man on one thing.. there's how many guy tat will be honest to their closest one (gf/wife)?? will they told them tat they are having fun time wif other gals?? or they will juz gv any excuses such as entertaining clientS?? no idea.. one conclusion hv made.. guy will nvr stop to drink and flirt.. i can c young man wif de age of 20, 30, 40, even 50 in de pub.. not only tis.. de most disappointed me is.. 'office man' which i admired so much oso having their own sweet time there.. they totally spoil their image n status in my mind!!!

Hey gals.. come on.. wake up!! there's less pure love in tis world oledi.. if u really found it, grab it.. if not, then do not put too much hope on these COLD-blood animals.. it' not worth.. woman should learned to be independent.. life will still need to go.. becoz of tis, i hv put all hopes within myself.. i will nvr need anyone to stay right beside me for these several years.. unless my fate arrived.. i noe my life will be difficult if i stay stuborn on tis.. hmm.. nthg much to hope right now.. juz wan de time to pass faster so tat i can get to c my future earlier.. thus, i will not be as blur as now..